Rock Bottom . . But picking up . .
Haiz, actually wrote quite a lot of stuff last night, but when i tried to publish it said got error and there goes my entire blog entry last night. Kinda pissed me off . .
lets see if i can recall majority of what i wanted to share last night . . ..
hmmmm . . . . .
ok, i was rambling about a show i saw last sat on cable tv, its about this yearly competiton held in Japan for their junior high childrens. It was a race consisting of 30 persons and they had to bind their feets to the one on the left and right. These 30 kids would then have to race a total distane of 50m in the shortest time possible and they managed to do it . . all 30 of them, without falling down somemore . . impressive.
But what really touched me was how they view this competition. The losing team were all crying their hearts out, it was the simplest form of emotions. Its just a match and yet they felt like they have let everyone down, their teacher, their family and themselves. They really took their stuff seriously, their urge to win was clearly evident and yet so raw. For goodness sake they are only 12 yrs old and yet their urge to excel in the stuff the set out to do is so straightforward, there's no hiding it.
A tot came to me then, have i have this strong urge to win something or to achieve something that badly that it really really hurts when i am unable to do so ?? Or would i have this chance to experience this kinda feeling???
ok back to some really disappointing stuff . . .
here's what happen . .
it was the afternoon of 06/06/06 when i was doing my work in the office.
and then i rcv a sms from a fren telling me the honours that were conferred were out . .
i was shocked and yet excited . . the result that i have been waiting for 3 longs years.
and when i did get my result, i was a bit disappointed, i got only a 3rd class honours. But i pretty much have guess i should be around there, since i "tabao" 2 modules in uni, scrap thru a couple and the rest were all consistent Cs. . . actually i almost came to term with this fact of the honour class . .
however, the big shell shock came when i found out my FYP was only a C+, at that point of the time, the blood started rising and man was i infuriated. I mean its ok i got Cs for my cores but to get a C+ for my fyp was totally absurb . . maybe its my ego but i just can't take this fact and swallow it down my throat. The times i have spend on this FYP was much more than that i spend on my other modules, the time spend reading thesis papers, the time spend reading lib books, the time spend on report, the time spend on data gathering and analysis and also the time i spend with my profs discussing my results. What i couldnt accept was that i got a C+ . . i was thinking to myself the whole time that i would have gotten at least a B or B- but to get such a grade ?? I was lost and stunned at that point, suddenly nothing around me meant anything . . it has been a long long time since i got so pissed off . . acutally i dun think there wasn't any incidents that pissed me off more that this . . their difference was like between 5 and 10 . .
wats more infuriating is the fact that when i was discussing my results with my profs, they were like giving me this "u have done enuff to secure a decent grade" type of feeling and i felt all my work was worthwhile. But to have a result like this would be the last time on my mind . . has my so called hardwork betray me ?? or Have my trust been misplaced ?? I DUNO what to do, nor what to say . . but the fact is the fact . . but am i just supposed to accept this because its placed before me ?? I really duno any more. . . but what i need now is an answer, someone to tell me what and where in the world went wrong for me . . even if i can't change my results i still need to know this.
PS: prof hasn't replied the mail i sent him ?? dun tell me he aint around ?? gonna call him tomorrow and trash it out . . hopefully no one gets injured in the process . . just kiddin.
Luckily, someone cheer me up last night with lotsa encouragement and a piece of good news, you know who you are and i am grateful for that . . and i was the one consoling u earlier . . wat a twist of fate . . =p
PS: i dun want to annouce publicly ur name without ur approval .. :)
but you also added some pressure on your bdae gift . . now what am i going to get for u ???
now thats so much for last night's entry . .
something good today for a change . .
~ recieved a call from cheng saying he got the gundam that i wanted from taiwan . .
~ falchon hanger replied saying they have reserved a macross (stealth version) for me, hurray !
till next time . . hopefully it aint sad news again . . haizz . .
RT
lets see if i can recall majority of what i wanted to share last night . . ..
hmmmm . . . . .
ok, i was rambling about a show i saw last sat on cable tv, its about this yearly competiton held in Japan for their junior high childrens. It was a race consisting of 30 persons and they had to bind their feets to the one on the left and right. These 30 kids would then have to race a total distane of 50m in the shortest time possible and they managed to do it . . all 30 of them, without falling down somemore . . impressive.
But what really touched me was how they view this competition. The losing team were all crying their hearts out, it was the simplest form of emotions. Its just a match and yet they felt like they have let everyone down, their teacher, their family and themselves. They really took their stuff seriously, their urge to win was clearly evident and yet so raw. For goodness sake they are only 12 yrs old and yet their urge to excel in the stuff the set out to do is so straightforward, there's no hiding it.
A tot came to me then, have i have this strong urge to win something or to achieve something that badly that it really really hurts when i am unable to do so ?? Or would i have this chance to experience this kinda feeling???
ok back to some really disappointing stuff . . .
here's what happen . .
it was the afternoon of 06/06/06 when i was doing my work in the office.
and then i rcv a sms from a fren telling me the honours that were conferred were out . .
i was shocked and yet excited . . the result that i have been waiting for 3 longs years.
and when i did get my result, i was a bit disappointed, i got only a 3rd class honours. But i pretty much have guess i should be around there, since i "tabao" 2 modules in uni, scrap thru a couple and the rest were all consistent Cs. . . actually i almost came to term with this fact of the honour class . .
however, the big shell shock came when i found out my FYP was only a C+, at that point of the time, the blood started rising and man was i infuriated. I mean its ok i got Cs for my cores but to get a C+ for my fyp was totally absurb . . maybe its my ego but i just can't take this fact and swallow it down my throat. The times i have spend on this FYP was much more than that i spend on my other modules, the time spend reading thesis papers, the time spend reading lib books, the time spend on report, the time spend on data gathering and analysis and also the time i spend with my profs discussing my results. What i couldnt accept was that i got a C+ . . i was thinking to myself the whole time that i would have gotten at least a B or B- but to get such a grade ?? I was lost and stunned at that point, suddenly nothing around me meant anything . . it has been a long long time since i got so pissed off . . acutally i dun think there wasn't any incidents that pissed me off more that this . . their difference was like between 5 and 10 . .
wats more infuriating is the fact that when i was discussing my results with my profs, they were like giving me this "u have done enuff to secure a decent grade" type of feeling and i felt all my work was worthwhile. But to have a result like this would be the last time on my mind . . has my so called hardwork betray me ?? or Have my trust been misplaced ?? I DUNO what to do, nor what to say . . but the fact is the fact . . but am i just supposed to accept this because its placed before me ?? I really duno any more. . . but what i need now is an answer, someone to tell me what and where in the world went wrong for me . . even if i can't change my results i still need to know this.
PS: prof hasn't replied the mail i sent him ?? dun tell me he aint around ?? gonna call him tomorrow and trash it out . . hopefully no one gets injured in the process . . just kiddin.
Luckily, someone cheer me up last night with lotsa encouragement and a piece of good news, you know who you are and i am grateful for that . . and i was the one consoling u earlier . . wat a twist of fate . . =p
PS: i dun want to annouce publicly ur name without ur approval .. :)
but you also added some pressure on your bdae gift . . now what am i going to get for u ???
now thats so much for last night's entry . .
something good today for a change . .
~ recieved a call from cheng saying he got the gundam that i wanted from taiwan . .
~ falchon hanger replied saying they have reserved a macross (stealth version) for me, hurray !
till next time . . hopefully it aint sad news again . . haizz . .
RT
posted by ChunHong at 9:28 PM
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